T-7 days

T-7 days. Wavering back and forth between confidence that I will pass this thing on the first try and fear that I am not doing enough, that I will not know enough, and that I will flunk it. (Deep breath). Things could be much, much worse. I am employed, I am already admitted to one state bar and the patent bar, I am not bursting into tears at odd moments, I have not gone into too much irrational rage at background ambient noise (I figure that if I'm studying at home, I expect noise, so I'm not bent out of shape at the kids in the pool), minastir is unemployed but steadily looking for work & we have savings, minastir has been doing a good job of taking care of me through all this, etc.

He was quite impressed by how hard I was working, and told me this today. Sometimes it feels like I'm working hard, sometimes it doesn't. However, I learned from doing science and then switching to law that if you feel like you're beating your head against a wall absolutely all the time, if you feel like you're pouring your heart's blood into your field and you have to give up everything to be barely competent, and then you switch into what you're really good at and what you're really meant to do, that it feels like the afterburners are kicking in. The effort goes down, the enjoyment level goes up, and you have enough time to play with what you're doing and to take some leisure (the basis of culture...) In other words, it was Vorkosigan's Last Stand with me when I switched from science to law.

Have been looking at the bar takers' blogs and advice from one of my past professors, and getting all worked up this past week or so. e.g. http://barexam2005.blogspot.com/ Lack of sleep and a fairly bad food poisoning/allergy attack/24-hr flu did not help my concentration. However, I did manage to relax, I am reviewing the law like mad, and I should be able to pass this thing.

Speaking of leisure, have read the new HP. All right, I acknowledge it, I am officially jossed as of GoF. Last night I dreamed that Alan Rickman and Robin Williams showed up at my parents' house while I was staying there. I showed them around the Cities, I showed them my knitting, and they expressed merely polite interest. Symbolism, much?

So of course, Murphy's law being what it is, I am currently being attacked by plot bunnies -- first, unfinished business, obviously. Then there's the one with the hermaphroditic iguana-type-descended humanoids, then the one with a certain Renaissance queen having more than one living child, then there's one with the two humans stuck on the alien space station.

I suspect that my writing is going to be like my knittting -- not really happy unless I have at least 3-4 projects in hand at once, all of different sizes/complexity/tools/tension. Yes, I am a Hufflepuff at heart.

And if I am a Hufflepuff, then slow-but-steady is the way to go. 'Night, all. See you again after the 28th of July.

ETA: And a thank-you to Brooke who has been putting up with my phone calls and wibbling!