(no subject)

Jul. 17th, 2025 06:49 pm
conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly posting in [community profile] agonyaunt
My 4-year-old transitioned to a big-kid bed more than six months ago. Since the switch, every time he wakes up (at night, super early in the morning, etc.), he comes into our room needing us (and waking us up). Sometimes he is crying because he is scared, but often it just feels like an automatic thing he’s doing. We always march him back to his room and don’t let him get in bed with us. We have tried what feels like everything: a reward chart for a bigger reward he gets to pick, a small reward each day he stays in his room, a light that changes color when he can come out of his room, talks at times other than when we’re dealing with it in the moment about staying in his room, some books about being afraid of the dark, a special box of toys to play with when he wakes up, a fun galaxy light, a Yoto he can listen to … nothing has worked.

I don’t want to lock him in for a variety of reasons. I feel like we’re almost back in the baby stages of being woken up at night! I was hoping it was just a phase we’d get through, but it’s really dragging on at this point. He’s also been tired during the day so he’s not getting enough sleep. Any ideas?

—Mom in the Land of 10,000 Yawns


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[personal profile] rachelmanija


Kelly Ramsey became a hotshot - the so-called Special Forces of firefighting - with three strikes against her. She's a woman on an otherwise all-male crew, a small woman dealing with equipment much too big for her, and 36 years old when most of the men are in their early 20s. If that's not enough, it's 2020 - the start of the pandemic - and California is having a record fire year, with GIGAFIRES that burn more than ONE MILLION acres. At one point her own hometown burns down.

The memoir tells the story of her two seasons with the Rowdy River Hotshots, her relationship with her awful fiance (also a firefighter, on a different crew), her relationship with her alcoholic homeless father, and a general memoir of her life. I'd say about three-fifths of the book is about the hotshots, and two-fifths are her fiance/her father/her life up to that point.

You will be unsurprised to hear that I was WAY more interested in the hotshots than in her personal life. The fiance was loosely relevant to her time with the hotshots (he was jealous of both the male hotshots and of her job itself), and her alcoholic father and her history of impulsive sexual relationships was relevant to her personality, but you could have cut all of that by about 75% and still gotten the point.

All the firefighting material is really interesting, and Ramsey does an impressively good job of not only vividly depicting hotshot culture, but also differentiating 19 male firefighters. I had a good idea of what all of them were like and knew who she meant whenever she mentioned one, and that is not easy. You get a very good idea of both the technique and sheer physical effort it takes to fight fires, along with plenty of info on fire behavior and the history of fire in California. (She does not neglect either climate change or the indigenous use of fire.)

This feels like an incredibly honest book. Ramsey doesn't gloss over how gross and embarrassing things get when no one's bathed for weeks, you've been slogging through powdery ash the whole time, there's no toilets, and you're the only one who menstruates. She depicts not only the struggle of trying to keep up with a bunch of younger, stronger, macho guys, but how desperate she is to be accepted by them as one of the guys and how this causes problems when another woman joins the crew - a woman who openly points out that flawed men are welcomed while every mistake she makes is taken as a sign that women can't do the job.

I caught myself wishing that Ramsey hadn't had an affair with one of her crew mates as many readers will think "Yep, that's what happens when women get on crews," and then realizing that I hadn't thought that about the man who had the affair with her. Even I blamed Ramsey and not the equally culpable dude!

Ramsey reminded me at times of Amy Dunn's vicious description of the "cool girl" in Gone Girl, but to her credit, she's aware that this is a persona she adopted to please men and fill the void left by her alcoholic dad. Thankfully, there's a lot more to the book than that.
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[personal profile] james_davis_nicoll


A teenager's social engineering skills are harnessed for good.

Unwillingly to Earth by Pauline Ashwell

Bundle of Holding: Battlezoo

Jul. 16th, 2025 02:17 pm
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[personal profile] james_davis_nicoll


The Battlezoo Bundle presents the Battlezoo line of monsters and monster hunters from Roll for Combat for D&D 5E and compatible tabletop roleplaying systems, compiled from winning designs from the annual RPG Superstars competition.

Bundle of Holding: Battlezoo
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[personal profile] james_davis_nicoll


The only fate more glorious than dying for the uncaring empire is dying over and over for the uncaring empire.

Red Sword by Bora Chung (Translated by Anton Hur)

A Maze of Stars by John Brunner

Jul. 15th, 2025 09:07 am
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[personal profile] james_davis_nicoll


An intelligent ship crisscrosses space-time to track the progress of the colonies it established

A Maze of Stars by John Brunner

Happy Bastille Day!

Jul. 14th, 2025 11:43 pm
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[personal profile] james_davis_nicoll


May the prison you liberate have more than seven prisoners.
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[personal profile] james_davis_nicoll


Charts hold back chaos, and we should sing their praises!

Why Do I Love Charts? Let Me Count the Ways.

Bundle of Holding: Hearts of Wulin

Jul. 14th, 2025 02:08 pm
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[personal profile] james_davis_nicoll


This new Hearts of Wulin Bundle presents Hearts of Wulin, the tabletop roleplaying game of Chinese wuxia action melodrama from Age of Ravens Games.

Bundle of Holding: Hearts of Wulin

Clarke Award Finalists 2005

Jul. 14th, 2025 10:27 am
james_davis_nicoll: (Default)
[personal profile] james_davis_nicoll
2005: The Ulster Volunteer Force struggles to grasp the meaning of the term “ceasefire”, Britain is astonished by the unlikely coincidence that every known WWI veteran is over 100 years of age, and in what some experts hope is a sign Britain has begun to emerge from chaos after the retreat of the Roman Empire, Dr Who is revived.

Poll #33355 Clarke Award Finalists 2005
Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 41


Which 2005 Clarke Award Finalists Have You Read?

View Answers

Iron Council by China Miéville
16 (39.0%)

Cloud Atlas by David Mitchell
13 (31.7%)

Market Forces by Richard Morgan
6 (14.6%)

River of Gods by Ian McDonald
10 (24.4%)

The System of the World by Neal Stephenson
17 (41.5%)

The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger
13 (31.7%)



Bold for have read, italic for intend to read,, underline for never heard of it.

Which 2005 Clarke Award Finalists Have You Read?
Iron Council by China Miéville
Cloud Atlas by David Mitchell
Market Forces by Richard Morgan
River of Gods by Ian McDonald
The System of the World by Neal Stephenson

The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger

i love a low-stakes question

Jul. 14th, 2025 09:48 am
fox: my left eye.  "ceci n'est pas une fox." (Default)
[personal profile] fox posting in [community profile] agonyaunt

Dear Miss Manners: The neighbor who lives directly across the street from me parks in front of my house. If this was occasional, I wouldn’t care, but it’s become the daily routine. I can’t imagine consistently doing this.

I enjoy looking out my window in the evening, but now my view is a car every night.

Today a work truck parked in front of my house, so the neighbor parked in their own driveway (which is always clear, as is their curb). When the truck left, they moved their car back to my curb, leaving their driveway empty the rest of the day.

I realize this could sound petty, but our other neighbors respect this unwritten rule.

In addition to unwritten, the rule is possibly unknown to this neighbor. Miss Manners trusts that you don’t think the car is purposely parked with the intention of blocking your view, and that you realize that others have a legal right to park on a public street.

Therefore, the neighbor would be doing you a favor by refraining from parking there. And to ask a favor requires purging any annoyance you feel and admitting that complying would be a voluntary kindness.

An amusing confession of your staring-out-the-window habit would be more effective than an admonishment for violating neighborhood expectations.

conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly posting in [community profile] agonyaunt
I’m a 20-year-old male college student who met someone new this spring. We clicked instantly and have been dating a few months. He visited me at college, and we’re both living in New York this summer. We enjoy lovely dinners and each other’s company with almost no issues, except one major sore spot.

I recently let him know I’m not interested in monogamy right now. Having been in a long-distance monogamous relationship before, the pressure and trust issues made me skeptical of that norm. I explained that because of my past, I struggle to feel deeply sexually attracted to someone I actually care about. We have OK sex, but it lacks the fire of casual hookups. I also explained that my interest in nonmonogamy was less about actively seeking others and more about lessening the pressure around potential lapses during travel or because of distance.

He seemed to take it all right, but I later discovered that within two weeks, he slept with three people without telling me — supposedly to avoid getting cuckolded or looking foolish. I haven’t seen anyone else in the meantime, so now I guess I look foolish. When I confronted him about acting out of anger rather than communicating, he immediately blamed my original sin of wanting nonmonogamy, which he says is for “hippies and sex addicts.”

I told him how I’ve seen relationships, including my parents’, destroyed by infidelity and deception. I asked whether he would prefer a relationship filled with lies or one built on honesty — to which he said he would rather not be with me at all, which definitely hurt.

To ease tensions, I agreed to four months of exclusivity to see where we stand. I emphasized my reluctance to rush things, especially because I haven’t felt deep love or trust yet and can see that he is much more into me than I am into him. Continuing, even not in my preferred way, seemed better than cutting off someone I care about.

But I’m still curious about nonmonogamy, especially while I’m young and good-looking and trying to understand which relationship styles work for me. Should I suppress my bohemian urges and go along with his desire for exclusivity or attempt another structured conversation about it? Am I too young for this to matter or is this actually the best time to test boundaries? Any thoughts on examining this situation and mending resentments before they spiral?


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(no subject)

Jul. 13th, 2025 07:00 pm
conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly posting in [community profile] agonyaunt
Dear Carolyn: I have an older sister, “Amy,” who was prettier and more outgoing than I was, so I kind of lived in her shadow, but I adored her and she was always my best friend growing up. Her sophomore year of college, I found out from a friend at her school that she was doing drugs and her boyfriend was a dealer. She’d secretly dropped half her courses and was barely passing the rest. I offered to find her some help, but she just ridiculed me. As things worsened, I was worried about her, so I told our parents. She lied and said I’d made the whole thing up because I was so jealous of her. My parents believed her and even said I might need therapy for telling a lie that big, until she was arrested a few months later and the whole truth came out.

For years following, she kept lying, stole so much money from me, wrecked my car and said/did many other horrible things to me. I moved away and cut her out of my life. She skipped out on her treatment program and got arrested again.

Last year, Amy completed rehab and is supposedly clean. She also had a baby last month, has minimal support from the father and is back living with my parents.

They want me to forgive and forget and be part of my nephew’s life, but I see it as insisting I give Amy another chance to hurt me. I still have so much resentment against her. I don’t want to take it out on her son, but I can’t stand the thought of being around her. She never apologized or tried to make amends for all she put me through, and I’m not sure I could ever trust her again. Is it even worth trying to be a part of my nephew’s life when I feel that way about his mom?
— Distrustful


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neotoma: Bunny likes oatmeal cookies [foodie icon] (foodie-bunny)
[personal profile] neotoma
NY strip steak, sweet Italian sausage, soft goat cheese, goat's milk caramel (cajeta), bell peppers, anaheim peppers, 4lb of yellow peaches, apricots, sesame apricot cupcake, fingerling potatoes, yellow plums, dragon's breath cheese, tavern blue cheese, black beans, whipple beans, jacob's cattle beans, and black rice.

I'm going to sear the strip steak and top it with slices of the blue cheese for dinner.

The peaches need a few days to finish ripening and then I will make them into salsa.
conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly posting in [community profile] agonyaunt
Dear Annie: I have a frustrating problem with my mother. I'm 40 years old, but she still treats me like I'm a teenager. She expects me to answer every call immediately and freaks out if I'm unavailable, often roping in my cousin to text me if I don't respond since my mom doesn't know how.

This has been going on since I was a teen. When I was 18, I was expected to call when I left or arrived anywhere. I once forgot to call her after leaving a bookstore, and by the time I got to the library, I was accosted by three separate employees saying my mother had been calling. My aunt and cousin think it's a cute story, not infuriating like I do.

Last year, I mentioned I was heading to Walmart. Remember that I'm 40. I didn't check my phone for 10 whole minutes, and in that short time, my mom called several times and had our cousin text to "see if I was OK."

Most recently, I missed a text and then a call from my cousin -- she was picking me up -- because my phone was on silent after I got home from work and I'd stepped into the bathroom. My mom later confronted me about the "stunt" I pulled, how it was so rude I'd done that and told my cousin they shouldn't pick me up anymore.

How do I explain to her that she's suffocating me? I know she worries, but I'm 40 years old. I'm not a highly sought after princess the world is about to kidnap at any moment; I'm just another random person, not a highly coveted commodity. The more she does this, the more she pushes me away. -- Smothered in a Small Town


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