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1. Dear Carolyn: My mom basically despises my boyfriend, “Tom,” because he didn’t graduate from college and works a blue-collar job. She is so rude to him, we can’t even be around her. She defends this by saying that looking at us together makes her feel disgusted, she can’t help how she feels, and she’s being as nice as she can given the intensity of her feelings. Tom actually cried after our last dinner with my parents.

Tom and I are 24, are independently financially stable and have lived together for six months — another source of my mother’s angst, but I suspect if I were “shacking up” with a more “eligible” bachelor, she would deal just fine. Although I am beyond furious at her treatment of Tom, I don’t want to lose her. Our relationship no longer resembles the mother-daughter bond we used to have. I’m also scared about what this is doing to my parents’ marriage. My dad is saying things to her in a tone I’ve never heard before — telling her that her behavior is unacceptable, that she needs to stop. She just gets defensive and yells at him. I don’t want my relationship to be their undoing.

I love Tom and could see us getting engaged in a year or two. However, I’m actually thinking about breaking up with him over this, although I know evil shouldn’t triumph. But I feel like he’s on one side, and on the other side is my relationship with my mom AND my parents’ relationship AND the potential to have it all if I meet a college-educated suitor. (I feel like a horrible person saying this.)

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2. Dear Annie: I am a 26-year-old woman deeply in love with someone my parents can't stand. He's not what they envisioned for me; he's rough around the edges, has tattoos, rides a motorcycle and works with his hands for a living. My parents like clean-cut, college-educated types in suits, and he's the complete opposite.

Yes, he has a bit of a "bad boy" past. He's made some mistakes in his younger years -- got into trouble, partied too hard, even had a brush with the law. But that was years ago. Since then, he's turned his life around. He's steady, loyal, hardworking, and treats me with more respect and care than anyone I've ever dated.

Despite all that, my parents won't give him a chance. They're polite when he's around, but I can tell they're just waiting for me to wake up and realize he's "not good enough." They constantly drop hints about finding someone "more suitable" or "more stable," and it's starting to wear me down. I feel caught in the middle -- between a man I love and parents I don't want to disappoint.

I'm not blind to his flaws, but I believe in the man he is now. How do I move forward when the people I've always looked to for support can't accept the person I've chosen? Am I being naive for thinking love is enough, or are my parents judging him unfairly? -- Torn Between Love and Loyalty

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1. Dear Eric: We are retired grandparents to 7-year-old twins who live close by. We are delighted to help with kiddo chauffeuring, grocery shopping or anything else needed by two very hard-working parents.

Today after dropping off groceries, my wife noted that the refrigerator, in her opinion, had an unpleasant odor and was very quick to share her opinion with my son-in-law. She is also rather critical of many of his habits. And her opinions are not without merit. But my mother always said, "less said, better mended."

When I say to my wife, "too much mother-in-law," I catch hell.

I think something has to be said to mend this or should I just go back to my corner?

– Too Many Opinions

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2. DEAR ABBY: I lost my daughter to cancer five years ago. She was only 36. She left behind a husband and three children, ages 3, 5 and 7. While my daughter and her husband worked, I was their "nanny granny" five days a week. I would also take them overnight on weekends. More often than not, I had more waking hours with my grands than their parents did. We were extremely close and bonded.

After my daughter passed, my son-in-law asked me to move in to help. I was in a position to do so, and it went OK the first year. Then some cracks began to show, and we ended up having a huge fight over money (though it wasn't REALLY about money). After I said some horrible things about him on Facebook, he took the grands away from me. It has been two years, and I have begged his forgiveness to no avail. What can I do? -- MISSING THEM IN MARYLAND

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3. DEAR ABBY: I have a full-time job and am in pretty good health. I have one son, "Brian," who is married and has three children. My problem is that my son is often rude to me. I was a single mom who raised him on my own. I thought I was a pretty good mother. His wife is super sensitive to any comment I make and finds fault with almost anything I do. They spend a lot of time with her family and exclude me.

If I make a comment about Brian's wife, he gets mad and calls me hateful or rude. I have been good to both of them, helping in any way I can, yet they do not take that into consideration. Brian and I get into arguments over this. Sometimes I have gone overboard and told him he needs to figure out what his problem is with me. He never tells me why he behaves like this. They don't visit me or bring the children over. They say they are busy, but they always find time to visit her family, their cousins, etc.

Must I give up on having any kind of relationship with them? I love my son and would like to be a part of his life, but I don't think I should accept him being critical of me all the time no matter what I do. If I try to talk objectively with his wife, she says I'm trying to start something. Please help. -- HEARTBROKEN IN GEORGIA

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4. DEAR HARRIETTE: My family and I are gearing up for our annual family vacation. My oldest child is in a relationship and has been badgering me about wanting to bring his girlfriend. I would prefer not to bring her along on an intimate weeklong trip because I feel that her clothing can be rather revealing, and she doesn't seem shy about PDA. I have two much younger children, and I don't think they need to be exposed to that on their summer getaway. Besides, I don't plan to pay for some sort of couples' trip while the rest of us are trying to catch up and bond.

I shared my stance with my son and explained that it's OK for some things to be family-only, and he's now refusing to join us unless I extend an invitation to his girlfriend. My son is already away at college, so his younger siblings really cherish the time they spend with him on these vacations. I'm torn here. Are my concerns unreasonable? -- Vacation Ultimatum

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1. I married my husband three years ago. My husband’s sister and her husband adopted their 9-year-old daughter, “Lila,” shortly after she was born. They also have a biological son who is a few years older. They’ve chosen not to tell Lila that she was adopted—a decision my husband and I strongly disagree with, but there’s nothing I can do about it.

Lila is a bright and curious child with a deep love for animals and science. She and I have bonded over both, and I’ve become her closest aunt. She devours science books, especially those about genetics, and lately, she’s been asking me questions that make my heart stop. She wants to know why she has so many traits that aren’t shared with her brother, her parents, or anyone else in her family—why she’s the only left-handed person, the only one with blue eyes, the only one with a squint, the only one who’s shorter than average height, and so on. She’s clearly putting the puzzle pieces together. I’m not sure how to talk to her or to her parents about this.

—Troubled Aunt

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2. Dear Care and Feeding,

My mother-in-law, “Lane,” has taken a normal toddler thing and blown it into the stratosphere. My husband and I have 3-year-old twins, “Olivia” and “Harold.” On Saturday, Lane picked them up for a trip to the park to be followed by lunch at McDonald’s to give my husband and me some much-needed alone time. Harold has been going through a phase lately where all he wants from McDonald’s are McNuggets, so I told her to keep that in mind when they ordered lunch.

When Lane brought the kids back, I could tell Harold had been crying and asked her if something had happened. She gave him a stern look and said that “someone” had misbehaved—had refused to eat the cheeseburger she’d ordered for him for lunch, and that next time she planned a fun outing, only Olivia would be invited to go with her. I reminded her of what I had told her earlier, and her dismissive response was, “Adults decide what children eat, and they eat it.” She called Harold “ungrateful” and said I was allowing him to “rule the house” before she turned on her heel and left. My husband quickly followed her outside. When he returned, he said it would be best to give her some time to cool down. He explained that his mother’s parents grew up just after the Great Depression and instilled in her and her siblings that wasting food was one of the worst things imaginable.

I’m not interested in her excuses. Lane was told about Harold’s eating habits, and the entire thing could have been avoided if she had just listened to me instead of going her own way. And this isn’t the first time she’s ignored my instructions when it comes to the kids. As far as I’m concerned, Harold doesn’t deserve to be excluded over something that wasn’t his fault. Frankly, I’m not sure I want to let her take the kids on her own for the foreseeable future. I have asked my husband to set some ground rules for his mother since she refuses to listen to me, but he’s afraid of upsetting her. How can I make him grow a pair when it comes to dealing with his mother?

—Fast Food Fiasco

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3. Dear Care and Feeding,

My husband and I are expecting a daughter at the end of August, and we couldn’t be more thrilled. What I am not thrilled about is that his mother, “Helena,” has been after me to give her a family name that I detest. We have already chosen a name, but she refuses to lay off and in fact is becoming increasingly persistent as my due date gets closer. When I told my husband how fed up I was getting, he proposed that we tell her we’ve decided to go with the name from her side of the family after all—and then, when our daughter is born, we simply go with the name we’ve chosen. She’ll just have to deal with it, he says.

Personally, I think he’s trying to avoid putting his foot down with his mother, but if it gets her to shut up, I’m desperate enough to go for it. And an evil little part of me does find it appealing, considering how she’s been driving me up the wall ever since we told her I was pregnant. This wouldn’t be such a terrible thing to do, would it?

—The Joke’s Gonna be on Her

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